A Day in the Life of Someone With Anxiety – PART 2

The initial battles of the day are as common as bread and butter to me. As the day progresses, my worries become more intense. I most likely overthink every conversation I have had, I imagine road accidents with me involved, and I pray for the day to turn out okay. That’s not all, I get over sensitive with every remark, every word, and every argument I have. So, by now anxiety has had its cup of coffee and is ready to make a routine day, way more challenging.

The worst part is, it doesn’t stop, like some old cringe-worthy record on loop.

Anxiety
Source: HealthyPlace

When I step out to face the day…

Every morning, when I have to leave for college, or whenever I have to step out of the house, both my mother and I, feel the same fear-

What if I get another panic attack today?

Anxiety
Source: MadAid Org

When my stress level rises, or when I’m too exhausted, my body breaks into a sweat. And I don’t mean in a normal-bodily-function kind of way, but in a more dangerous way. Sometimes, when I’m sitting through a lecture, I suddenly feel my heart beat getting faster or my breathing getting heavier.

The room suddenly feels claustrophobic, and the weather, too hot.

I lose sense of reality, I can’t understand what the person in front of me is saying. Soon, my hands begin to tremble and at that moment, I become sure that my body is about to have another ‘earthquake‘, as I like to think of it.

Most of the times, I get a panic attack because I am sub-consciously thinking troubling thoughts.

Anxiety
Source: 7cups

Sometimes, it’s because of a stressful situation and very often, it’s because of no reason at all. The only way I can explain it, is by comparing it to cravings. Like, once in a while, our body craves a break or a certain food or a massage, or whatever. Similarly, my body (and mind), plagued by this disorder, has this habit of breaking into a hyperventilation attack every once in a while.

How I deal with Anxiety…

How do I deal with it? I don’t. I just have to wait for it to pass. It leaves me in tears and pain, I am shivering while reeking of sweat and usually, am on the verge of collapsing.

Having a panic attack feels like your entire body has been wringed so tightly, all the life has trickled out of it. It leaves you exhausted and broken.

Anxiety
Source: ICDAM

My task for each day, is to distract myself enough to not think of the disease I am living with. Every two hours or so, I recall grounding techniques and whisper to myself:

breathe in, breathe out.

Distraction, for me, is what works the most. It helps me steer clear of painful thoughts and panic triggers.

Anxiety
Source- The Odyssey

Which is why I prefer being busy all day, and on my toes. You would think, how difficult can it be to stay distracted? Well, for how long do you think you can avoid a raging storm? I can’t do too much and stretch out more. Because, with constant sickness, I’ve grown weak and awkward. Working out too much exhausts me; reading or painting at a stretch tires me to an extent that I sometimes end up hyperventilating.

When you have anxiety, the simplest of tasks seem like a mountain hike.

When the day nears an end…

It’s a great achievement if I manage to survive the day without a panic attack or nervous breakdown. But, being the pessimist that this disorder has made me into, I fret over the next hour and the next attack. For about six years now, I have been taking medication ranging from intense to mild. I have lost count of the number of therapy sessions that I have gone to. Unfortunately for a lot of us, we can’t find a medicine combination that suits us fine, nor can we find a truly helpful doctor.

For a long time, I felt like a lab rat, being treated with different chemicals and by different professionals.

Anxiety
Source: HealthyPlace

A lot of times, I cancel plans because of the anxious thoughts in my head, ranging from my appearance, to being around people and finally, about having a panic attack.

At the end of the day, I am left dissatisfied and sad.

Those are the regular days for me. On the rare good ones, I feel grateful for the few supportive friends I have and feel optimistic about recovery. On the intense nights, I cry uncontrollably and write emotional blog posts.

Insomnia, or sleeplessness is the most annoying prick in life. It also is a bonus of living with Anxiety.

So, at 12 or 1, late at night, I stare at screens, look for some form of distraction, some pseudo-lullaby, that will help me force-shut the anxious voices in my head.

Anxiety
Source: Forever Conscious

Somehow I manage, and that, I think, is the highlight of my day.

Preetika Dubey

Editor

Twenty-something Literature student and tragedy lover. I feed on aesthetics and illustrations. My happy days are made up of cloudy skies and cups of chai. I advocate mental health and speaking out loud.

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